Rambling
I have a lot of disconnected thoughts bumping about in my head, so I apologize in advance that this post is basically meaningless rambling, whining, bitching and a hint of angst. Please disregard as appropriate.
Lately I’ve been on edge. I’ve made a lot of minor silly mistakes - I can hardly type correctly. The little bit that I’ve programmed has been useless and unremarkable. I feel nervous, anxious and a bit confused at times. I have a bit of real life drama, and a lot of anxiety and fear stemming from that, as it’s related to my future in a big way (even though in reality, the matter itself is so small as to seem microscopic, but, a step at a time…)
I feel like it’s something more fundamental then my piece of drama though. Like something in general is amiss, or perhaps a whole bunch of tiny things. My environment has been changing a lot lately, especially the people in it, and that could be bothering me. I’ve also had a few unfortunate events lately - nothing like holding a shotgun wondering if you’re going to have to shoot someone to defend yourself. I also know I’ve been trying to play a key role in a lot of different peoples lives - a bit more then normal.
Maybe with my drama about my future, I’m afraid of losing who I am. Perhaps I’m trying to compensate for that in other ways, such as being overly helpful and overly protective. I have a lot of constant concerns, yet in the back of my head, I know it’s going to be alright - I just need to embrace that reality.
Sometimes, or, perhaps even often, all the tiny stupid things really block out the real picture. At the moment, I’m not even sure what that big picture is, yet it seems like just last week I was positive of it.
