My Mother
My mother made the comment, after some days of me sitting around the house missing my girlfriend, that my girlfriend is not a part of me, that I should be fine without her.
The problem is that statement is the exact opposite of reality. My girlfriend is very much a part of me, just as much as my arms or my soul. She is different in this regard then every other girl I have other dated. Where as, previous lovers were a happy face, a warm body, a series of pleasant conversations and good meals, this one, is without doubt very much a part of my identity. Not just my outer social identity, but my base self realization. She is an extension of my emotions, an extension of my physical being, and also an extension of my “safe place”.
My lover is the sum of my desires. Outside of her, I of course have goals, things I would like to accomplish, but my carnal visceral hunger for recognition, success, love, my base human needs, are fulfilled through her. Before her I would feel a need to accomplish great things, to show off and be vain; but now my deeds, great or small, are done because I seek them as a means to an ends, not as desires. Her quiet words are enough to soothe me, even in my darkest and harshest times. Her gentle kisses are enough to bring out my most gentle side, even when I’m engaged in conflict. Her smile is enough to light up my day, even when my sun has fallen dim and the moon has been forbidden to rise.
Without her I am alive, yet lacking. I am aware of my need for her, like a hunger unsatisfied for food. I can exist without her, just as a man can exist without a limb, but yet I am not pure nor whole. Without her, my darkest sides come out, I am bound for trouble. My senses are sharp, like a predator looking for a meal, my tongue is yet sharper, like a sword ready to cut down a swarm of foes. If with her I am Dr. Jekyll, then without her I am Hyde.
To suggest that my lover is not a part of me is foolish. A relationship is not a passive thing, it is an active bond linking two separate entities and uniting them as a single mass.
