Hey you
You, yes you, who is aware exactly that I’m addressing you, not just in that fourth wall sort of sense, but in that very specific I-could-name-you-but-I’m-not sort of way…
I miss you, a lot. I wore your ring today, and it made me feel a bit better, but there’s still so much missing. It’s as if every gray day is just another room in the dungeon of limbo, a place made neither of heaven or hell, but some place I’m stuck in all the same with that nasty purgatory sort of meaningless neutrality.
Without you, so much is missing. I feel like everything is meaningless, I’ve dissolved into some apathetic creature without emotions or cause. I’m lonely, bored, cold, withdrawn, annoyed at everything and everyone.
It has nothing to do with my external world, or my internal world, except of course, the parts which are you. You are the embodiment of my happiness, the embodiment of my emotions, meaning, my cause for life and living.
I’ll still live in this purgatory. I’ll wake up at a specific time each day, going through a carefully rehearsed routine, like a soldier waiting for duty. I’ll do blaise and meaningless things which bear no consequences. I’ll create works and fill out documents. I’ll be a good little cubicle dork, a pleasant-but-standoff-ish companion, another quiet face in the crowd, until you return.
Because that’s all I can do. That’s all I can be. What good is man without a reason for all actions?
